Yeeash...

You are seeking peace. It’s been so long, too long. You haven’t been at rest for as long as you left your great, graceful and happy childhood years. Things were so much easier then. You were at ease, no responsibility, no vulnerability only pure and sacred innocence. You walk the deserted beach. It is dusk and the sand is still warm. It swirls around your feet, tickling them. The waves are lapping the shore. The water is very calm, the soft sound of moving water being the only sound to accompany you. The sky is a darkening red… you are thinking… it reminds you of something but you cannot remember what. No clouds blemish the sky only the deepening, glowing red that now tortures your memory. Why can you not remember? It seems so important but it also seems pointless. What is it? What is it? Your mind is taunted by this thought; you try to forget about this ludicrous circulation of thought. You close your eyes and slowly breathe in the air, the smell of salt water lingers you can feel the gentle breeze plays with your hair. Brushing it from your face. You breathe out ever so slowly, slower than ever before. You release all the things that are weighing you down, all the pain. You will yourself into peace. You desire so greatly that peace of mind. Seeking but never finding. That thought still persists, penetrating and interrupting your process of peace. It is obstructing your power to move on. It is holding you back. What significance does it have? You can’t remember, it is there but you cannot bring it to terms, your mind is forcing you to be toyed with. A flash of blood is shown, you try to see further but you are restricted. You can see someone’s face, it is blurry, impossible to be able to tell the identity, it is howling, screaming. Your head is pounding; the face is covered in blood, blood that you forcefully drew from them. It is their blood you concentrate harder. You see your hands are covered in blood also. You can tell its not yours, you know it’s the other person’s. Their eyes are glazing over, a white film covering them; this person is entering into the first stages of rigor mortis. You breathe heavily and slip onto the sand below. The tide is coming in, closer and closer and closer, so close, so close. You cannot help but shake with horror. What have you done? You cannot dare to imagine. You can’t shake off this feeling; it is indescribable. You feel the cool water wrapping itself around you. Enfolding you into its coolness, it flows easily. The water level is rising higher and higher. The sand around you moving with the water, until you are in your own trench. Tears are flicking down your cheeks. You feel them flowing down the smoothness of your skin. You can’t believe it, you did this, you can’t stand living with yourself, as yourself. You are so unbelievable, what had possessed you to do such a terrible, horrible thing? You try to shut down, isolate yourself, forget everything. You are trying so hard, concentrating every part of you, drawing all your will together to fight the nagging torment. It won't let go. It is gripping every effort and ripping it apart into shreds. You can feel your mind collapsing, this experience too much for it to handle.